I can’t be the only one to dread the weekly, if not daily, phone calls from my son’s school.
It seemed like every week, I got a phone call with teachers and the principal lamenting about my son’s “bad” behavior.
“He doesn’t keep still,” they complained.
“He won’t stop talking,” they said.
And my least favorite, “he’s disruptive.”
As a young mother, I really felt like my son was a bad kid. The phone calls were never-ending from school, and I spent the better part of his years feeling like I birthed someone who wasn’t destined for greatness. I punished him. I spanked him. I made him do exercises till he couldn’t stand anymore. Nothing worked!
All jokes aside, his “terrible twos” lasted until he was 12. And I was exhausted.
Then Covid happened.
I’m not going to lie; I was mortified to stay home with my kids. My daughter has always been the angel child, but I didn’t know what to expect with my son.
Honestly, it was the best time of my life. He was respectful, eager to learn, and we really learned how to communicate with one another. The banter and fighting with his sister drove me nuts, but I learned something really important about my son – he’s a great kid.
It was demoralizing to constantly have his schools call me and tell me my son was “bad.” It wasn’t until I spoke with other mothers that I learned that this is a real phenomenon that impacts mothers who are women of color. Our sons are labeled at an early age, and instead of figuring out how to properly engage them, they are labeled and punished, creating a cycle of negativity. I hated hearing that I birthed a bad kid every single week. I can’t imagine what my son thought about himself in his little kindergarten head.
Our Covid time was so pleasant that I was sad that after two years, they had to go back to school. We implemented mental health days – days my children could take off with no questions asked. We cook more and eat out less. We have become more social and more trusting with one another. I’ve learned to listen to my son and get his side of the story when I get a call from school. And can you believe he lost all that baby weight? It turns out he enjoyed those exercises I made him do as punishment. He has a whole setup in the gym now and even joined the local wrestling team at his High School. I am so proud of him.
I learned kids will be kids and not to take it personally. My son’s shortcomings reinforce the fact that he is a child that still needs his mommy; it’s not a knock on me as a parent.
And I hate to say it, but learning how to parent him made me a more patient mother with my daughter. I am definitely a better parent the second time around.
In the grand tapestry of parenthood, navigating the challenges with my son has been both a struggle and a revelation. As I reflect on our journey, I’m reminded of a quote by Elizabeth Stone, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” These words encapsulate the essence of being a boy mom—the unpredictability, the messiness, and the boundless love.
Our experience during the Covid period taught me that sometimes, stepping away from societal expectations and embracing the unique qualities of our children can lead to unforeseen joy and growth. My son, once labeled as “disruptive,” has evolved into a determined young man with a passion for fitness and wrestling. I’ve learned that resilience and patience are not only virtues we instill in our children but qualities we cultivate within ourselves as parents.
As we navigate the return to the routine of school, I carry the lessons from our time together. Mental health days, open communication, and celebrating the individuality of each child have become cornerstones of our family life. My son’s journey has illuminated the fact that parenting is a dynamic process of learning and adapting, where we discover strength in vulnerability and beauty in imperfection.
In the words of an anonymous author, “Being a boy mom means life is full of adventure, noise, and endless love. It’s messy hair, dirty shoes, and a heart forever changed.” So here’s to embracing the chaos, cherishing the small victories, and celebrating the unique journey of being a mom to an incredible boy—a journey that continues to shape both him and me, one day at a time.